i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
