I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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