I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
