awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
