It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
