Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
