Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
