Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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