I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
