Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
