if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize