yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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