Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
