Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
