We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize