I'm going to jail i love you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
