3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
