I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
