Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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