walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
