dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
