girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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