how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's never too late to be topless.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
