I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
