a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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