Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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