i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
