this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
