Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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