i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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