Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
