she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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