doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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