She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
