C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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