True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
pray to the hookup gods
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
