I should be sponsored by Trojan
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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