Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
