Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
