you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
