My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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