yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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