I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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