We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
