We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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