The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
