My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
