nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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