My brain says no but my pants say off.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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