So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
