Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
