uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
