Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
