Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize