I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
