Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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