When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
