Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
