I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
