why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
