he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
