sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
