i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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