it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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