I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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