He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
