So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
