She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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