those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
