Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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