So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
