can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
