So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
