so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
