no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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