Tell her she can't have a vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
