How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
