New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
