dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's never too late to be topless.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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