matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
