I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're a waste of cheezeits
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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