Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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