it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She bit a glass in half.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
