For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
