I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
