i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
