We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
