Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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