She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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