We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
