So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
