i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
