What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
