I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize