can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just google imaged poop.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
