Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
tell me about the eggs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
