This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
