he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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