After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
