i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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