OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
