Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish you could order shots online.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
