We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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