Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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