I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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