when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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