Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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